"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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