Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Rumble strips road head = magical
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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