so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
