There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
