officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
