dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
