just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Can I color on your dick again?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
