I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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