i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Mom said you looked used
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
