i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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