before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
