I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
