Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
