you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
