even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He felt like a one man threesome
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
