In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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