yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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