Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
