This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
