That's intense
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
