Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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