What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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