perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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