Only a mothe r could love this liver
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
