Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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