I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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