Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
