This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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