if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
we're so committed to being not committed
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
