Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
