I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
