I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
