OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
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You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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