My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
