the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
