Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
