I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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