he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
