But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
