hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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