WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You made out with two different species that night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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