My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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