im about as happy as oj after his trial
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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