I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need water and some morals
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
