I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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