Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
