You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize