The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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