Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
