What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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