ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
