I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
