Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
