I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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