hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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