If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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