i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
