just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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