the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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