he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
