my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
