This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
