I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
