I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
