Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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