first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
