We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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