Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
