So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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