a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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