there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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