Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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