Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
