just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
