Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
