He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's on the porch naked. Help.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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