I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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